Thank you all for the comments on the post ‘My Mother in Law…

This is what has happened since.

My partner said to his mother that we didn’t want the 14 month old to have coffee, so we’d stopped giving the 2-year-old coffee.  Of course we don’t give either of them coffee, but he was trying to be nice about it.

Today she came round. As usual I said ‘I’ll put the kettle on’

‘NO’ she barked, ‘not for me’.

I asked ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, I don’t want to upset them. They’ll only want some’. This coming from the headmistress of the school of tough love.

I said ‘that doesn’t matter, they don’t get any of ours either’.

‘No, I don’t want one, they’ll get upset’.

‘I’m having one’  I said.

‘No’ she said.

‘I’ll make you a coffee and leave it in the kitchen’. Game, set and match to me. She couldn’t argue with that.

No more was said on the subject. She drank her coffee in the kitchen, out of sight of the children.

She stayed for a couple of hours, but we didn’t talk as much as usual. Nowhere near as much.

Tonight my partner’s sister rang. She told him we’d upset their mother because she wasn’t allowed to give the boys coffee any more. My sister-in-law agrees with us, incidentally.

I’m not happy that my mother in law is upset, but we needed to say something. I should have been brave enough to speak up the first time she gave our 2-year-old coffee, but I didn’t.

This whole situation is not about the coffee, it’s about respect for our parenting decisions.

Hopefully Coffeegate will soon be behind us. We can then move on to Pottytraininggate and Chocolatebiscuitgate. I can see them on the horizon, waving furiously!



4 Responses to “Coffeegate”

  1. 1 Claire November 11, 2009 at 10:43 am

    My God, sounds like she’s acting like your toddler would!
    And getting your sister in law to phone as well, tough if she’s upset!

    Well done you!

  2. 2 Iota November 11, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    Good for you. I think it sounds like you handed this very well. And not saying something at the time was ok, because it meant that your husband had to deal with the situation, and show his colours. That showed your mil that you are united as a couple. She is less likely to mess with the two of you, than you on your own.

  3. 3 Cafe Bebe November 12, 2009 at 9:11 am

    It is hard to NOT say anything isn’t it? My mother and father-in-law both pick up my daughter by her hands and sort of drag her up them. She really shouldn’t be picked up this way as it puts a lot of stress on her young shoulder joints and they could easily dislocate one or both of her shoulders. As she’s not an infant and has some muscle and control, it’s not as much of a problem but still. I don’t want them to do this but I don’t feel like I can tell them that! They definitely question a lot of the decisions we’ve made for our daughter (like not having chocolate or crisps or rubbish processed food) and make comments like “I don’t know how our survived”. I don’t appreciate it but I let it go. It’s been 40+ years since they raised their own children…times have changed a wee bit! Considering they still manage to give our dog scraps from the table and let him lick the plates after a meal, I don’t know why I am surprised. Sigh…it’s just one of the things we have to suffer, isn’t it? I feel better for writing this! Thank you!

  4. 4 Muummmeeeee! November 24, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    I think you were incredibly tactful and tried not to hurt her feelings. I think she should be the one to quit coffee because it clearly makes her over-sensitive and arsey!

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