Why?

Why leave it til now to say you don’t want to either get married or leave it for a long time (I don’t want to be a 40 year old bride) ?

Why now? Why leave it til we’ve had a child? Why leave it til we’ve set up home together? Why leave it til now? Why couldn’t you of said this sooner. Since day 1 I’ve talked non-stop about weddings & marriage. I even started up a wedding savings account but did you say anything then? No!

Why now? Why wait til we’re in bed to say that you don’t want to get married. Because I slept well knowing that.. I didn’t.. I sobbed my little heart out in the bathroom whilst you snored away knowing that you’ve caused this upset & hurt.

I don’t want another child out of wedlock. We planned on having the next one in 5 years or so , I thought we would have been a proper married family by then. I hate not having the same surname as my son.

Why have I spent all this time making you happy? I’ve tried so hard to make this work. I’ve moved away from my family & friends. I feel like I’ve given up everything to be with you.. What have you given up for me? What have you sacrificed for the one you say you Love?

Why should I put any more effort into this? Yes I love You, I think your a amazing man and a fantastic father. But why should I spent my life with someone who doesn’t want to make that one commitment that I have been looking forward to since I was a little girl?

It makes me question your love.. It’s easier running away from a relationship then a marriage.

You just told me you loved me? Do you? You never show it and rarely say it. I feel the emotional bond has gone. I don’t get kisses , hugs , dates or even ‘ I Love You’ anymore.

Why am I feeling alone? I told you when I moved away from my family & friends I’ll feel lonely. You promised me I’d never feel lonely.

Do you know why I wanted to look for a job? Because I wanted to spoil you, I know how you wanted a new iphone and a new car. I thought if I was to get a job I could get you these things? Why am I putting you before me? Before our son? I’m giving up spending time with him so I could get you things.

When was the last time you put yourself before me? This week your going to a football match and your work do. Great.. On my own , not like I can even have a friend around. I’m isolated in the middle of nowhere.

You say we cant afford dates? Since when has a romantic stroll in the park cost anything?

You don’t even watch romantic films.. anything with love in?! Your heart made of stone is it? You know they’re my favorite type of films.. but would you sit and watch one with me? No.

Why are we arguing about this? Why am I wasting tears? I love You.. Why cant you see this? Why are you not trying.. I hacked into your account this morning so I could get a train ticket for Me & your son. So that I could go & stay at my mothers.(Who you know I don’t get on with) I’m sat twiddling my thumbs.. Do I leave my own house, my own bed , where my son is comfortable – where all his toys & stuff are. Do I really want to see your face when you get in from work? Are we just going to have a row?

Do I really want to be a single mum? Could I let my son grow up without living with his Dad? Just thinking about these two things is causing rivers to run from my eyes.

It’s the wedding thing that’s making me run? I know we could work on the romance and love thing but the fact that your so against marriage?

I don’t know if I could stay in a relationship where I don’t get the one thing I’m working so hard for, the one thing I want more then anything. I thought relationships were meant to be easy.

Why is this so hard? Why? Why?

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10 Responses to “Why?”


  1. 1 Claire January 12, 2010 at 9:13 am

    I dont know what to really say to this, other than men are such shitbags sometimes! Stay strong lady xxxx

  2. 2 julie creegan-bell January 12, 2010 at 10:01 am

    Bless you hon! I think ur very much not as alone as you think! There’s mothers out there in the same position! I was a single mother for 6 years and its not the worst situation to be in! Keep strong and I hope you do the right thing for you! A child needs a happy mummy.xx

  3. 3 Anon January 12, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    I sympathise with you, relationships are tough when you want different things. I don’t think marriage is an answer to any problems, being married rarely changes the fundamental dynamics of your relationship. The wedding day is great fun, the honeymoon brilliant and then… there’s just the two of you again and a relationship to work at. I understand your worries about commitment but I don’t think a married man is necessarily more committed than an unmarried one. That’s just my view (I’m married btw). I think what’s important in life is being with that right person, it’s rarely perfect but at least you have each other and you love each other. And you have a child together, hopefully more! I hope you work something out.

  4. 4 snafflesmummy January 12, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    ah hugs hun. Hope you manage to make whatever decision is right for you. Marraige does nto change anything but the fact that it means so much to you should make him pput more thought into it. Maybe you need to point out all the things you have sacrificed and why and how important marriage is to you.

  5. 5 Iota January 13, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    So sorry to read this. Did it help, writing it out? I really hope so.

    “I thought relationships were meant to be easy” – I don’t know where we all get that idea from. Childhood, where our parents protected us from anything problematic? Movies, which feed us the Hollywood line that once you’ve found “the right one”, everything is happy ever after? Relationships are tough, so don’t write this one off because it’s not easy. But they need commitment if they are to survive.

    Why doesn’t he want to get married? Is it fear? Is it lack of commitment? Does it stem from his own childhood? Would he consider going with you to some kind of counselling? I know that is a huge step, but it couldn’t hurt, could it? Maybe it would help you find out if he wants you more than you know – more than he knows even.

  6. 6 Brit In Bosnia January 14, 2010 at 10:50 am

    I feel for you. How hard, how miserable, how incredibly difficult. I hope you manage to work it out, for it sounds as if you do really love him.

    I don’t think people appreciate how difficult it is not to have the same name as your children. Can he not appreciate at least that?

  7. 7 Anon January 14, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    So sad to read your post, but I repeat what someone else has said – a wedding ring really doesn’t make anything better.
    Some people have weird ideas about marriage being awful and others that it is great. It is neither it is just the sum of the two people who are in it and that’s the same if you’re maried or not.
    Being married doesn’t mean you get romance, it doesn’t mean you get along all the time or agree on how to bring up your children. It doesn’t make your other half not the most irritating person on the planet sometimes..
    If you can, try and focus on why you’re together without worrying about marriage. Hopefully the positive outweighs the negative and that’s why you’re together. If it doesn’t then you might need to look at whether he’s the right person for you.
    Best of luck and hope you feel better for getting it off your chest – sometimes that’s all you need to do to keep going.

  8. 8 Alison January 15, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    I really feel for you. You must feel terribly hurt and confused. Having a child together, though, is a giant commitment – bigger even than marriage I would say. He will always,always be the father to your child which binds you together for ever. I know you’re hurting, but I second what anon says above. Try and refrain from the whole marriage debate – he may feel so pressurised he’ll back off even more. If he sees you’re not so desperate, and rarely mention it, he’ll probably bring it up himself. Another way, I have seen other people do, is to give him an ultimatum. If you won’t marry me in a year (or whatever) then I’m off. But be prepared to really mean it. This could bring him to his senses, especially if you leave and he realises what he’s missing, but you have to follow through, and only you know whether that’s the right thing to do for you and your baby.

    Good Luck and we’re rooting for you!

  9. 9 Chic Mama January 15, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    That’s so so sad….I know exactly how you feel.I would feel the same.
    Got married though, had five children and now husband has left. It’s so so hard and I can’t imagine ever wanting to get married again. I now question if he ever really wanted to get married in the first place.
    I think you should try and work through it. Ask him if he objects to you changing your surname. That part would bug me too.
    I hope you sort it out.

  10. 10 tattooedmummy1 January 18, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    I’m always amazed that men will commit to create a child but are afraid of a piece of paper! You need to find out why he doesn’t want it. My own husband didn’t want a big white wedding with all the trimmings but was happy with a quiet registry office do with only 10 close friends for a meal afterwards. It may not be ‘marriage’ he’s afraid of, just a wedding.

    Conversly my mates hubby was scared of divorce and the shame it would bring so he shied away from marriage, until she pointed out that a piece of paper would make a breakup any more of less awful in the eyes of his family.

    it does sound though that there is more to this than just the marriage….maybe he really does need a shock to see how he really feels, and how you feel, maybe he’s just used to you putting up with this life so he’s stopped bothering and if you leave and he doesn’t run to get you back……….it will be scary but what will you have lost?

    I’m so sad reading this post. so sad for you. just feeling that you need a hug….. I think you are wrong about one thing though, if I were you I’d sort out the love/romance you feel you need before any wedding plans.

    **hugs**


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