What if it’s a boy?

I’ve always longed for children.  Well, initially I longed to be pregnant – to know that I could have children, desperate to know that I wasn’t going to be ‘the one’ in our group that couldn’t have kids.

On falling pregnant (in the first month I might add), I longed to enjoy it and blossom.  I can’t remember when I started pondering over the sex, but husband and I agreed not to find out, the surprise would be lovely – although deep down we both had this funny feeling it was a boy.

Then our beautiful boy arrived, a month early, leaving me a little shell shocked and unable to enjoy that initial newborn instant love feeling that everyone seems to tell you about.  Well, that’s what I blame it on, husband says I was ‘just tired’…..

Anyway, I digress.  Our son is unbelievable.  Like most parents reading this, they amaze you every day, it staggers me how utterly gorgeous he is, how clever he is, and how he entertains from the moment he wakes with that cheeky, I will throw my teddy at you expression, until the minute he falls asleep with his bottle and muslin.  I miss him the moment he’s in bed.

We really want another baby sometime soonish.  I’m one of two, a boy and a girl.  My close friends each have two girls.  I’ll get to the point, I’m rambling.

I can’t imagine my life without a daughter.

At dinner with friends recently we were talking about the matter and all of the six others I was eating with agreed that happy and healthy is all that matters.  I’ve always openly admitted that I want two children, one blue, one pink.  I’d be lying through my teeth if I said I couldn’t care less.

It scares the absolute life out of me that if and when I am lucky enough to fall pregnant again, that it could well be another boy.

I don’t want to keep trying for a girl.  The thought of never buying pink babygros, never going to ballet or tap, brownies or guides, never going shopping together, planning a wedding, or supporting a daughter through her own pregnancy terrifies me.

Yes happy and healthy is all that matters – as one of my fellow diners said ‘if you care about the sex you don’t deserve to have children’.  It left me cold.  Am I such a bad person for wanting so much?

Is it really wrong to want a daughter this badly?  What if when I fall pregnant we choose to find out, have the scan and it’s a boy – and I leave devastated?  How could I forgive myself for resenting an unborn son – who would no doubt bring equally as much joy to us as our first born does?

Should we really be planning a second child if I feel this strongly about only being 50% in it?

On a lighter note, if we did have another boy, I would poach my friends daughters every once in a while for dance classes and then later on manicures, shopping and drinks – I’d be that cool grown up friend that they want to go and visit…..

Anon xx


5 Responses to “What if it’s a boy?”

  1. 1 Alison January 27, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    This could have been written by me a few years ago. And I wrote a post about it (http://deerbaby.blogspot.com/2009/09/fifty-fifty-chance.html) – sorry to plug my own blog but I just wanted you to see that I felt the same. It is hard to admit that you want one sex over another but so many people do.

    Other friends have felt the same and have found out at the 20 week scan, principally to mentally prepare themselves if it’s not what they wanted.

    I bought a book called something like How To Choose The Sex of Your baby Naturally (based on things like diet, timing of intercourse etc) and although many of my friends pooh poohed it who have both boys and girls, it worked for me and I got a girl after having a boy. But then it might not have done – I’ll never know.

    I really feel for you. And wish you all the best xx

  2. 2 Iota January 27, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    “Am I such a bad person for wanting so much?” No, of course not. And you say that if you had another boy, he “would no doubt bring equally as much joy to us as our first born does”, so I don’t think you need to worry on that score.

    I have boys and a girl, so I suppose you’ll be thinking “it’s alright for YOU”. But I would say this. Just as we all have a slightly rose-tinted view of pregnancy and motherhood, and find that the reality is different – earthier, more real, and better in a different way to how we could possibly imagine – I do wonder if a vision of what having a daughter or a son will be like can be similarly rose-tinted.

    Then it can be pressurising for the child. The son who disappoints by not going into his father’s business. The girl who is a tomboy and not interested in ballet or princesses. Will you make your daughter go to ballet classes even if she doesn’t want to? Will you be disappointed if she doesn’t, and how will you stop that showing? How would your daughter feel if she didn’t ever get married, but knew that it was part of a dream of yours to go shopping for a wedding dress?

    I’m not wanting to sound critical of you. I really am not. So please don’t take this the wrong way.

    And you might like to know that my 12 year old son recently insisted on buying me a present for my birthday. We were shopping together in a supermarket, and he marched me over to the clothes department and made me choose something for myself, and then paid for it. (I wondered if it was a bit creepy, at first, but then I decided it wasn’t. I didn’t try the item on for him, or anything.) Boys can be surprising. He also did ballet for a couple of years too, aged 3 to 5, and though he didn’t wear pink, he and his two friends did look unbearably cute as elves, in green felt costumes and hats, in the Christmas show.

  3. 3 Emily O January 27, 2010 at 11:15 pm

    I can’t say I’ve felt the same as you do now, but I can understand why you feel like this. That was a rude comment at the dinner party, totally unaccepting that people view parenthood and their children differently to each other. Iota makes lots of good points, whether it’s a girl or a boy they will be their own personality and will probably act very differently to how you want or expect. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed if a scan told you it was a boy. It can be such a minefield getting pregnant, staying pregnant and keeping healthy during pregnancy that maybe you’ll be happy either way? And if it is another boy, maybe you could have a third and hope for a girl then? (three isn’t THAT bad, I haven’t gone insane just yet). Good luck with it x

  4. 4 Kelly February 1, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    I have a wonderful baby boy, and plan on having a second child. I long for a daughter with all of my heart, because I love the relationship that I have with my mother and want to understand the other side.

    I have always said that I want two children but have always said if the first two are boys that will be the only time I will try for a third. Of course everyone wants a healthy baby, but I also want a girl baby too. If number two turns out to be a boy then I will love him just the same.

  5. 5 Slummy Single Mummy February 11, 2010 at 11:33 am

    I have two girls and one of the biggest things that puts me off having any more kids is the thought of having a boy. I know it sounds awful, but I just wouldn’t know what to do with a boy!

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