Dear Dad

This is the letter that I often contemplating writing to my father. The words that I want to say but know will only add fire to an already turbulent family. See how I call him my father, to me a dad is someone much more caring, considerate, dependable and reliable. A father is just that, the man who fathered you and brought you into the world.

Dad,

You have now been out of my life longer than you were part of it. It has been 17 years and yet I still recall going to sleep in my bedroom yet waking up in bed with mum while you slept in mine. One rare morning I woke up in my own bed, you returned later that day to explain that you and mum were separating, you promised you would be there for me but you haven’t been. Weekends were supposed to be our time together, you were supposed to come and collect me. Occasionally you were late, more often you called to say something had some up but more often than not you simply did not turn up. Each week, without fail I waited and waited, sat on the living room window ledge waiting to see your car pull around the corner to collect me. Week after week, no matter how often you let me down, there I sat.

You were against me having a job and against me dating. You felt they would both disrupt my college studies, I tried to show you they would not. My tutor could not fault my work, efforts or grades yet still this was not enough for you.

We drifted apart, meeting became fewer and fewer, when we did meet it was more a meeting of necessity than desire.

Predictably you made new promises after the birth of your first grandchild. It seems that yet again your promises will be broken. Each time you visit neither of us can remember when we last saw each other. You regret that we do not see enough of each other, you assure me that things will change. But then the days and weeks and months pass by and your promises are forgotten.

You dream of a day when you can take my son out to the park, I doubt this day will ever come. Each visit is like starting from scratch, my son trying to work out who you are and how you fit into his life. You do not know his likes and dislikes, his little ways, what he is asking for, I doubt he would go with you let alone me be happy to send him with you.

Despite all of this I still seem to crave something from you, acceptance? Love? Pride? I do not know. What annoys me even more is that you can still make me feel like this, I still look for you for approval, I know that it will never come and I know that if it ever does it will not change how we are.

I often wonder if parting would be better than the polite exchange of hurried visits which we currently make.

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3 Responses to “Dear Dad”


  1. 1 Luschka April 25, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    My husband’s niece is sixteen now. When she was 11 she was doing really badly at school and was having some behavioural issues. She had the same with her dad. When, if, he did turn up, he’d just drag her around with him on his weekend plans, leaving her to sleep in strangers’ bedrooms while he got drunk and slept late and so on.

    Eventually, as an 11 year old she sat down with a councillor and her mother and sent him an email asking him to please not have any further contact with her until she was ready to be in touch with him again.

    To my knowledge he never even replied.

    Sometimes, blood or not, family or not, there are some people we are simply better off without.

    Good luck!

  2. 2 Heather @notesfromlapland April 28, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    wow, that was a hard post to read. A good one, but hard none the less, if you know what I mean. It’s so sad when families drift apart like that, I’ll never understand these parents that seem to be able to distance themselves so easily form their own children. xx

  3. 3 Susie April 29, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    I don’t know what you believe or not but I want to share what I believe in case it will help you come to some peace with this. If you don’t agree in any of it that’s okay-that’s what makes the world the great place it is-different views and opinions.

    I believe that our souls, before we are born, plan what it is we want to do here in this life. We plan our route and alternate routes. Every soul, especially those who have the most influence on us (for good or for bad) our souls that our soul made a pact with.

    there is something that soul has come to teach us-sometimes independence, sometimes self esteem and such. Sometimes they teach us by positives and sometimes through opposites or negatives.

    So the question is what have you learned about yourself through this experience with your father? What positive things have you incorporated into your life because of the hurts he caused you.

    I can guarantee that you will never let your relationship with your son suffer, so maybe the lesson you learned here was in the end although painful, worth it???

    And even if you don’t believe in the whole soul concept, the end part and positive thinking still apllies.

    Hugs!


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