Archive for June, 2010

Where is my head at?

My husband has a lower libido than me which has always been an issue. If I don’t initiate sex we can go a long time without any physical contact. He’s not loving or cuddly either which can be hurtful. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says he is tired/unwell etc and snaps at me. I know he looks at porn daily but he hides this from me.   
 
After well over a decade together I’d resigned myself to infrequent sex but recently he has been wanting even less to the point we were going months between physical contact and I am feeling more rejected than ever.  On a night away with work I bumped into an ex colleague and after an evening of flirty banter and a lot of wine took him back to my hotel and shagged him senseless.
 
I do not know why I cheated on my husband. The worse thing is I don’t feel guilty, just mad at my husband for not wanting to do what this other man did. I fancy my husband and want him but he doesn’t seem to have those feelings for me. 
 
The other man does come into my work every few months so I will see him on a professional basis occasionally. He knows that I am married, even questioned if I was sure I wanted what we were about to do and I said yes. I cannot blame alcohol as although blootered I definitely wanted this man at that moment in time. I haven’t told anyone else, the other man told my colleagues and his friends he walked me back to the hotel lobby and went to his hotel.
 
I don’t want to separate, I don’t want to be unfaithful again, I just want a decent sex life with my husband.


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