I Don’t Trust Him

We are staying at the in-laws’ this week, and last night, my husband
and I had to broach an awkward topic. The reason we’re here this week
is because on Saturday we’re going to a wedding, without the babies
(now ten months old). This will be the first time we’ve left them
overnight in the care of someone other than one of us.

I trust my MIL and FIL completely, hence we are happy to hand over
care to them. But my SIL has a new boyfriend, who is coming to meet
the family for the first time on Saturday, and this is the cause of
some misgivings on my part.

None of us have met the boyfriend before, and I have now realised that
I won’t get to meet him before we have to leave the babies to make our
way to the wedding. He will be staying overnight in the house. We felt
the need to ask my husband’s parents to be cautious and not to leave
him alone with the babies. And my distrust of this person has made me
feel uncomfortable about myself.

Am I being too judgemental? Has society made us look at everyone with
suspicion? I have always been a very open person, but my maternal
instincts are strong, and I can feel my fur bristling, ready to defend
my babies.

I’d like to say that I’d feel on my guard about any stranger spending
time with my babies, but there are certain bits of information about
the boyfriend that ring alarm bells. He’s 40, has never been married,
and is, by all accounts, a bit of a loner. He doesn’t have his own
home, and has only been seeing my SIL for a few months. I’m ashamed of
myself to be questioning his motives and to be judging an innocent
person so harshly.

Have I become narrow-minded and paranoid? Or am I right to be wary?
How would you approach the situation without causing offence (or at
least causing the minimum amount of offence possible)? Have you had to
negotiate a similar situation in the past?

All advice would be very welcome.


4 Responses to “I Don’t Trust Him”

  1. 1 Michelle Twin Mum July 7, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Gosh, this is not a situation I have had to think about before. I think society has made us more cautious, but I am not sure if this is rightly so.

    If you have already asked your PILS to be cautious then I am sure they will be very respectful of this.

    Try not to focus on this too much and enjoy your weddng.

    Mich x

  2. 2 Bumbling July 7, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    This is a hard one. You have to go with your instincts on trust, I think.

    Personally, however, i wouldn’t worry too much. Whilst he will be in the house, the babies will also been under the watchful eye of your in-laws, who will look after them. It’s not that you are leaving them in his care.

    But then I tend to be pretty trusting, and probably wouldn’t have thought twice about this kind of thing. If you are worried, just make clear to your in laws that the babies aren’t used to strangers and they need to keep an eye out for you…

  3. 3 The author July 7, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    Thanks Mich and Bumbling. My mum is a social-worker so sees the absolute worst of scenarios, which is probably why I’m so paranoid. I totally trust the in-laws, and though I think they were taken aback when we brought it up with them, I think they understand where we’re coming from now.

    The fact we won’t have met him I think makes me more worried. But I keep asking myself if I’d feel the same if it was BIL’s new girlfriend, rather than SIL’s boyfriend. I feel like a witch-hunter

  4. 4 Susie July 8, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    I would ask another question. Do you not trust your sister in law or her judgement?

    I think that may be the crux of it because if you trusted her blindly I think you wouldn’t be worried.

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