do you ever have one of those days?
almost every day.
I sit and think about my life. how fucked up it is and wonder. wonder what it would be life if i wasn’t here anymore.
would my kids be better off without me?
life would be better off without me, as all i seem to do is suck it dry.
i want to die. i want someone to tell me its ok to die. but is not.
the stupid person in the back of my mind, my conscience. its always giving me good reason to be around. I know its right, but i don’t agree with it all the time.
it wins… as I’m still here.
for about 10 years, I haven’t actually tried to do anything to end my life, but it hasn’t stopped me thinking about it.
tonight, as i write this, my bedroom window is open. i can easily jump out of it. i want to jump, i think about jumping… but i wont.
there’s no one about to look after the kids.
This post was submitted as part of Blognonymous.