Archive for the 'Mother In Law' Category

The Outlaws

I made a terrible mistake a couple of weeks ago, not one that will be forgiven easily, but one that is so easy to do.  I forgot that although I do not use our names my blog is not anonymous.  They is always a way so someone to find out and also I post pictures of us on the blog, so really should have known better.

I blogged about an incident with my mother in law and it has come back to bite me and mine on the backside.  So let this be a lesson to you all.

The hardest thing about all of this is it is not me that has or is suffering, but my husband.  Yes he is angry at me for “washing our dirty laundry in public”, but more than that he is angry, upset and in fact devastated by the betrayal of his brother.

You see his brother told his parents about the post and didn’t even have the courtesy to warn him.  Oh yes we got a phone call about 3 minutes before the one from his mother, but that was telling him to rein in his wife!

I feel terrible, I have never had the best of relationship with his mother or brother, but I have always put up and shut up, so as not to cause any discomfort or disquiet.  My husband knows this and in some ways I think is thankful for it, but this is something else.

We were threatened with libel, sue their own son, what does that say to the wider world?

I understand the pain I have caused, if I knew that MIL was reading I would never have written, well I would, but I never would have published.  Writing is my way of processing things, of event and emotions of getting it all out of my system.

So let this be a word of warning to you all, unless you are very, very careful, you are not just words on a laptop or PC screen, these words have power, more power than you could imagine.  So harness them, use them for all the right reasons and I hope with all my heart that you do not get caught out like I did.

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He has a name, you know.

My mother in law refuses to call my son by his name. It’s Sonny.  

I don’t mind if you work out who this is, I name him on my blog (but in case you’re wondering it’s not Mummytips who has a son of the same name). But I couldn’t have this post on my blog in case you know…it backfires.  

When he was born and we told her what we’d decided to call him, she point blank refused to acknowledge it was a real name. Never mind that we chose it from a name book, there are people like Sonny Liston and Sonny Rollins and of course good old Sonny and Cher. When we had a girl, I’d have loved to have called her Cher just to spite her.

 Where I live, the name is positively normal. There are far weirder things.

 Instead she calls him Little’Un. God, it’s annoying.

 She never signs birthday or Christmas cards with his name.

When we had another, I felt sure she would have to start calling him by his name, to distinguish between the two. But no.

It’s disrespectful. Maybe going behind her back and bitching like I’m doing now is also disrespectful. It probably is. This is actually the tip of the iceberg as to what else she does. I used to play a game where  I’d try and get her to say his name but now I’ve given up. It is not a case of reasoning with her. Or saying that it’s hurtful. That would be like water off the proverbial duck’s back.

And to end on a pun, in her book, Sonny seems to be the hardest word.

Wake Up In-Laws!


Dear Mother and Father in Law:

You are lovely.  You’ve welcomed me into your family and you give your 6th grandchild a lot of love and affection.  But why the HELL can you not buy her some things every now and then?  For her first Christmas, you gave us £40 in cash in a card for her ON CHRISTMAS DAY.  You couldn’t even give it to us ahead of time so we could actually buy something and have it for her to open!  She may have only been 6 months old at the time, but she still loved presents and opening them.  Cold hard cash is not quite so fun.  Other than Christmas and, so far, 1 birthday, you’ve never bought her anything.  Wait, I take that back.  You scrounged around Wilkinson’s to buy her a £1 colouring book to have at your house.  Yes, I forget, that’s all she needs, isn’t it?

You know that we don’t have much money.  You know what she likes to do, what her favourite shows are, what her favourite toys are.  You just went out this weekend and spent several hundred pounds on a new telly for your kitchen.  A gorgeous, flat-screen number.  Seriously, couldn’t you maybe have taken some of that money and bought a few things for your youngest, and potentially, last grandchild?  You know how much she loves Duplo and you now know how much it costs because I have told you.  Couldn’t you just take it upon yourself to drive to Toys R Us to buy her one of the sets that would just make her day? 

My family aren’t here.  They are very far away yet when we visit them or when they visit us, they bring gifts and things to make their granddaughter happy.  I’m not overly materialistic and I don’t think that our daughter should have too much but really, would it kill you to just buy her something FOR THE HELL OF IT.  It doesn’t have to be a holiday or special occasion to give someone something but apparently you think it does.  It’s not fair to deprive her of things just because you can’t be bothered.  I know you love her but think for a minute about buying her one or two things just because you can.  You are also aware of how keen we are for her to do something like Tumble Tots.  Couldn’t you possibly offer to pay for one or two sessions of it so that she can try it?  You know we can’t afford it yet it would be nothing for you.  I’d just really like, for once, for your grandchild to be spoiled by you.  That’s what grandparents are for, isn’t it??

Sincerely,

Your Disgruntled Daughter-in-Law

Caution: Rant Alert!

It is that time of year. Not actually Christmas itself, but the period before Christmas when everyone is thinking about what to buy for presents. The grandparents, sensibly, have come to us to ask for ideas for what to buy the kids. This is A Good Thing. No one likes to waste money, what the kids are into changes with the setting sun and I have a very low tolerance threshold for rubbish toys.

So, after some deliberation I have come up with a list of toys designed to suit everyone. You want to get something small? Check. You want to buy something that costs about £20? Check. You want to buy a toy that has batteries in? You are banned from my house and never darken its threshold again/if you absolutely have to then check but my smile will be forced and I will have my revenge elsewhere. Most of all, I try to make sure that the toys will have an element of longevity, will last longer than the 10 minutes after they are unwrapped.

Sorting out this bloody list takes forever, but sorted it I have. Now there is only one, last, seemingly small but insurmountable problem: The Husband.

‘my Mum won’t want to get them that, she’ll want to do this’

‘my Mum will want to spend more money on them than that’

‘why does your Mum get to give the good presents?’

‘my Mum has to travel this year, so she wants to get them something smaller’

I DON’T CARE! You asked me to make the sodding list. If you don’t like what I’m recommending then get something else. But don’t keep on coming back to me to come up with more ideas. And enough already on the my mum / your mum thing. My Mum came up with an idea, I thought it was a good one, she’s running with it. Your Mum can buy whatever she wants for the boys. You think my Mum gets more of everything with the kids: time, better present ideas, better everything. I think I try to be fair and give both grandmothers plenty of grandchild time. If you want to the kids to spend more time with your mother, then go right ahead and take them over whenever you want. If you want your Mum to buy more eye catching whizzy presents for them, then feel free to come up with the thing to get. What I am not going to do is take an idea that my Mum had, say ‘hey Mum, great idea, do you know what, let’s get the other Granny  to buy it because Husband is having a hissy fit about which Granny is more favoured’.

I know full well what is going to happen. It happened last year too. After all the shenanigans about whose parents are buying what, the grandparents have been given the best toy recommendation of them all, the thing that the kids do actually really want. I have been assured that they will buy them, so haven’t bought them myself. The Grandparents then go off list and purchase something completely different. So, on Christmas Day, I will be the one who will be dealing with the disappointment of two little boys who haven’t been bought the one thing that they really wanted.

Additional Note: I don’t mean to sound all spoilt and petulant about people buying my children presents. I really am most grateful to everyone who does. Well, maybe not everyone. Those buying annoying toys which pay an electronic tune will earn my plots of revenge rather than gratitude. But you know what I mean.

Dear Mother-in-Law

Dear Mother-in-Law:
The next time I feel brave enough to leave my precious child with you, could you please make sure to check her nappy at least once when she is in your care.  Last week she had a 5 hour-filled wet nappy hanging somewhere around her knees when I arrived.  Yesterday, I took one sniff of her bum within 1 minute of arriving back after 4 hours away and realised she had a poo-ey bum!  You know how sensitive her bum is!  How long was she in that poo-ey nappy?  I had to scrub a fair bit you know??  I know you have lost your sense of smell, as is evident by the amount of perfume you are wearing these days, but that is no excuse for leaving your granddaughter in a poo-ey nappy! 

Also, please know that store-bought, rubbish, pureed mince Cottage Pie is not an acceptable meal for us much less for your adorable, somewhat fussy granddaughter.  Her dinner last night consisted of 4-5 peas, one teaspoon of Crap Cottage Pie and a pot of yoghurt which, thankfully, I had brought.  When she was awake from 11:30-1:30 last night and eating the peanut butter sandwich and grapes that I had to make for her because she was so hungry, I should have rung you.  I appreciate that you were trying to do an easy dinner that would enable you to play with your granddaughter for a change but please don’t feed us that rubbish and please remember what your granddaughter does and does not like.  It’s not hard.  Of course, after 4 years, you still manage to forget that I take my tea STRONG and with 2 sugars, but there you go.

I do love you and you are a wonderful mother-in-law (really) but please step up to the plate with regards to your granddaughter or next time I will be forced to STAY WITH YOU THE ENTIRE TIME!!! 

Love, Your Daughter in Law

Coffeegate

Thank you all for the comments on the post ‘My Mother in Law…

This is what has happened since.

My partner said to his mother that we didn’t want the 14 month old to have coffee, so we’d stopped giving the 2-year-old coffee.  Of course we don’t give either of them coffee, but he was trying to be nice about it.

Today she came round. As usual I said ‘I’ll put the kettle on’

‘NO’ she barked, ‘not for me’.

I asked ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, I don’t want to upset them. They’ll only want some’. This coming from the headmistress of the school of tough love.

I said ‘that doesn’t matter, they don’t get any of ours either’.

‘No, I don’t want one, they’ll get upset’.

‘I’m having one’  I said.

‘No’ she said.

‘I’ll make you a coffee and leave it in the kitchen’. Game, set and match to me. She couldn’t argue with that.

No more was said on the subject. She drank her coffee in the kitchen, out of sight of the children.

She stayed for a couple of hours, but we didn’t talk as much as usual. Nowhere near as much.

Tonight my partner’s sister rang. She told him we’d upset their mother because she wasn’t allowed to give the boys coffee any more. My sister-in-law agrees with us, incidentally.

I’m not happy that my mother in law is upset, but we needed to say something. I should have been brave enough to speak up the first time she gave our 2-year-old coffee, but I didn’t.

This whole situation is not about the coffee, it’s about respect for our parenting decisions.

Hopefully Coffeegate will soon be behind us. We can then move on to Pottytraininggate and Chocolatebiscuitgate. I can see them on the horizon, waving furiously!

 

My Mother In Law…

My mother in law…

This sounds like the beginning of a joke from one of The Comedians from the 70’s.  Sadly what is about to follow is not funny.

My mother in law thinks it acceptable to let my very young children drink coffee. She loves the way they clamour around her for a sip or a slurp.

The first time she did this I watch in horror, but I didn’t say anything. By my silence I was complicit in letting the eldest child have caffeine. His first three drinks were milk, water and Full Roast Arabica.

The next time she came I changed her brew to decaf. I stick up two imaginary fingers every time I make her a cup.

This week she went to drink her coffee and my 14 month old crawled over. I said ‘no Daniel, you’re too young for coffee’. Can you guess what happened next? That’s right, she offered him the cup and he took a good swig.

Can any of you think of a more polite way for me say ‘WHAT THE EFFING HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?’? I didn’t trust myself to speak.

I feel better for getting that off my chest.


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